Berna Köker PoljakBerna Köker Poljak

Born in Ankara in 1971 as the third daughter of a family reflecting the diversity of Anatolian lands, Berna has been contemplating the meaning of the sacred, the wisdom of being human, and the cycles of life for as long as she can remember. She is a graduate of Hacettepe University’s Business Administration Department and is currently studying Psychological Counseling with a focus on grief. Since receiving her first Death Doula training in 2018, she has been working in the fields of death and grief. In her service to the grief and death field, her intention is to truly hear the emotional reality of the other—without seeking to remove grief. She invites symbols, metaphors, laments, dance, poetry, and stories into the space, seeking the words, images, and movements that can carry the truth of loss from within the pain. On a personal level, she deeply believes that she will remain a lifelong apprentice to death and grief, and that the strength to continue on our path comes from what our own grief vocabulary has to say.

Death Exists

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What I am curious about is not the question “Is there life after death?”, but the expression “There is life with death”. There is life with death. When I die, I will never be able to go for a walk with my children, spend time with them and sip my morning coffee. After all, there is death in this world. My first …

The things I wish I had known earlier about grief

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In my first meeting with the people, I hold space for their grief, I talk about my own assumptions about grief. I do this in order to enable us to speak the same language and help them to get them centred in this meandering road we call grief. We want to know what is happening around when we move to …

What’s happening to our bodies when we are in grief?

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“But who can remember pain, once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind.” Margaret Atwood The words are impressive and true as well. When we are in grief, in addition to emotional reactions, the physical …

Holding the Griever

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First of all, I did not write this article all by myself. It has been an article that has been shaped by the answers to my call “how would/do you want to be treated while you are grieving?” two weeks ago. I am deeply indebted to all who have accompanied to this article with their words and/or their hearts. Thanks. …

Grief Dictatorship

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Is there such thing as the dictatorship of grief? Naturally there is. Let me explain. There is an unwritten hierarchy of grieving in society. According to this hierarchy, it is possible to make a list of experiences deserving the most and the least grieving.If your grief is due to a death of your beloved one, you might think that you …